Developmentally Appropriate, But......

Biting...hitting...lying...these behaviors are totally normal, and also, socially inappropriate. In early childhood, we take a developmental approach to such concerns.

As the director, I have many opportunities to see the delightful diversity of human development in action. Early in the week, I sat down next to two children working puzzles. One confidently maneuvered 24 pieces of a sea creature puzzle with ease. This child stood up when finished, and on his way to the dress up area, bumped into two shelves. On my other side, a child worked hard, her tongue poked out of the side of their mouth as she turned and turned the piece of a 4-piece puzzle, trying to find the right way to place it. Both of these children are exactly where they should be for their age and development. 
We think about child development in the different domains: big and small motor, language, cognitive, and social emotional. We know this development happens along a predictable continuum, and that this development may be uneven across domains, like the child mentioned before with the amazing cognitive skills and the low body awareness. You can imagine what this looks like in a classroom of ten to twenty children! In a way early childhood educators are master jugglers, balancing the diverse needs of so many different children.
The place that this may cause a rub is when children's development and needs don't line up--in a preschool room, one child may need to be extra busy with lots of stimulation, another may need a slow quiet pace. In a young toddler room, one child may be very interested in socializing up close to her peers while another may resort to biting as he does not yet have language to ask for more space. It is in these times that we see behaviors that are developmentally appropriate but socially inappropriate. And this is the magic of the early childhood classroom-- it is a laboratory of social and emotional learning. The teachers and children work together to build the children's understanding of themselves, their friends, the community. They learn to understand and regulate their own emotions and to read other's feelings. They learn problem solving and self-advocacy.  As a parent, I know how hard it is when my child is on the receiving end of some of this “socially inappropriate” behavior, and as an educator, I know that it is a learning opportunity for my child as well as the other child. It takes trust and time, and I am so glad that the children in our care have lots of both!